My recent writing has been an attempt to map my spiritual crisis—to understand where I stand and where I am being called to go. Since the time of my experiences related to working at the Great Plains Action Society’s Urban Resilience Hub the first week of December, I have not attended my Quaker meeting. Though the absence feels heavy, I believe I am being led to this period of distance for a deeper discernment.
The Breaking Point
The crisis reached its peak in Iowa during the physical demolition work at the Great Plains Action Society’s Urban Resilience Hub. Between the grueling labor and the discovery of a time capsule at Scattergood—containing a photo of my younger self and a message I wrote to future students to ban nuclear weapons—the past and present collided.
During those sleepless nights at Scattergood, I watched my shadow projected onto the wall by the light outside my window. I found myself asking: Who is this person? And what is he being led to do with the weight of this knowledge and concern?
The Fused Systems of Injustice
My crisis is rooted in the tragic history and ongoing colonization of this land. Being in the presence of Indigenous friends and witnessing the immense, constant challenges faced by Sikowis Nobiss and others at the Great Plains Action Society has clarified and deepened my vision. I witnessed the effects of the “fused systems of injustice” we inhabit: a convergence of Christian, colonial, and capitalist violence brought by European settlers that persists today.
I was disappointed by how few Quakers were present to witness or support this work. While members of the Catholic Worker community showed up with joy, the Quaker absence felt like a profound missed opportunity to build the relationships necessary for true decolonization—which, as I have written before, cannot succeed without centering Indigenous leadership.
Immediacy vs. Gradualism
Through this struggle, I have come to recognize my mistake in allowing myself to conform to the Quaker process of gradualism.
I see this most clearly in my lifelong struggle against the personal automobile. Years ago, I had a vision of the Rocky Mountains enshrouded in smog and knew immediately I could no longer own a car. While it took months to finally happen, the decision was an act of immediacy. Yet, in the years since, I have watched Quakers treat such systemic issues with a slow, incremental approach. By participating in these slow-moving processes, I realized I was actually facilitating the very systems I sought to dismantle.
My visions during those sleepless hours at Scattergood were not just about the world; they were about me.
The NewCO (New Conscientious Objector)
This leading has culminated in the concept of the NewCO. Just as previous generations of Friends conscientiously objected to the violence of war, the NewCO objects to the fused systems of Christian, colonial, and capitalist violence we are participating in.
The NewCO recognizes that the only faithful response to this systemic violence is a commitment to:
- Mutual Aid
- LANDBACK
- Abolition
I can no longer facilitate the slow path. I am being led to avoid the mistakes of my past and embrace the immediacy that justice demands.
Remodeling what will be the Healing Justice House at the Great Plains Action Society’s Urban Resilience Hub in Iowa City.
